Three children sitting on a log...

There are three children sitting on a log near a stream. One of them looks up at the sky and says, with a squinted red face, "here comes a winner!"and lets one rip. His brother turns and looks him square in the eyes in a happy shock and says, "jeez, guess we need to get a spot farther away from the house, I'm pretty sure mom heard that one." 

Relationships

If two people are critiqued by a jury of peers, and are uniformly deemed "dumber than rock", they should not be allowed to reproduce. Stupidity is an incurable disease and knowingly infecting a new generation is a crime against humanity comparable to those of militant islam.

Book Title

If there were a book called, "Women are better than men, and heres why...", it better have soft pages, cuz its coming into the bathroom with me, and I wont be reading it. Its a matter of academic integrity... please don't hate me for this.

splitting the rent

Splitting the rent can be a pain in the ass, and sometimes it can put a heavy load on a friendship. If you are sharing and apartment with a friend and one of the rooms is bigger,  does that person pay more? What if the other one has more windows? Here is how i believe these attributes should be compensated for, each is assigned a numeric value and they should be added up. The difference should be percent difference in rent.
Bedroom Size- 2 per square foot
Closet size- 1 per square foot
Bathroom size- 1 per square foot
Own bathroom- 4
each window-1
cable- 2
away from common area-1

The boulder to the iphone

I have had an indestructible, "rock" for a phone for the last two years and I thought I knew what love was. I could jump in the pool with it, drop it at work and even throw it at my friends. About a week ago, I finally gave in when I saw at&t was offering the iphone 3 for fifty dollars. It has changed my life! I am finally not restricted to checking my email when I am at my desk. Texting is faster, and it seems like I find a new favorite app every other day. If you are thinking about making this switch, it is totally worth it.

Smart not hard

Work smart, not hard.
Last summer, I worked as a lawn care technician. One day it was raining and my boss and I decided to do maintenance of the tractors. The most time consuming and hardest part of the process was changing out the blades on the bottom of the tractor. To do this, a massive amount of torque must be applied to the screw holding the blades in place. I attempted to use only my hand strength, and while I got it done, it took much longer and was much more tiring than was necessary. My boss came over while i was working on the second tractor and showed me a much more effective method. He took a long hollow metal rod and slid it over the end of my wrench. This allowed me to have much more leverage and get the job done in half the time with half the effort. I will never forget that lesson.

STUMP THUMPER

I learned a new game today. It is called stump. Each player gets a nail that is put part way the stump. On there turn, players attempt to hammer in the nails of other players. Once your nail is gone you are out. What makes the game exciting is that before attempting to nail, they must throw the hammer into the air and catch it. However many times the hammer flips is how many swings they get and however they catch it they must swing. Its an unbelievable party game.

a heart trick

Every man knows ties are uncomfortable. This is because stretch receptors in the carotid bodies in the upper neck sense changes in blood pressure and give false indications when they are pressured by neck ties. 

If you have ever actually experienced high blood pressure, you know its not something you want to deal with for long. Many times high blood pressure can occur after strenuous activity, as the veins are constricted to allow blood to more readily perfuse the active tissues and cardiac output increases as a result of increased heart rate. One way to cope with this is to blow slowly blow on your thumb. The vagus nerve which innervated the heart pacemaker cells is inhibited by slow rhythmic breathing and by thumb sensory. 

Ma BED

I don’t understand how people used to be able to sleep without a bed. I love my bed. I have probably spent more of my life in it than anywhere else. We have a special relationship, my bed and I, and I don’t think I could sleep, no matter how tired, without it. When you think about it though, man has come a long way in all sorts of technology, but the place that he spends most of his time has gone relatively unchanged. Of course there are the motorized beds, and the tempor pedic beds, but the only real advancement in functionality has been in making it more comfortable. I propose a hybridization of bed, lazy boy and vehicle. I know someone can make this work.